We fell in love, or did we? Way too young, or were we?
We lived, we traveled, we made each other who we would be.
We fought, we sought, we tried to make things as they could be.
I couldn't see it, that blinding light.
I stood there doing nothing, absolutely nothing.
Therapy, confidants, I crawled into the deepest of my blacks.
I couldn’t trust, though I tried and god how I tried.
You couldn’t see me; I couldn’t see you. I told myself it would get better, isn’t this what this was? Compromise and Compassion? Nonjudgmental love, unconditional love.
But there was, there always was.
I honestly never found you. You sought it, you went out to seek it, but I will never be that. God how I tried. And I hated you for that.
There were too many to count. Why didn't I leave? Why didn't I say enough? Unconditional, yeah I guess you got that.
Then you told me four years after, and It never was the same, I have never been the same.
The water flowed until I tasted like the ocean.
Buy this, do that, live here, move that.
Each time with the hopes of it getting better, but it never came, and I never recovered.
Our family grew, I gained two more daughters.
You strayed, you struggled, you’ve always wanted someone with more than I could offer.
Now 1500sq ft isn’t as spacious, but its filled with me and its the most genuine thing people will ever see.
Do you even understand what you did to me?
Let me lead, let me need, let me want, let me breathe. We both said those words but did we ever truly want it from each other?
All I ever wanted was for you to give me something that was free. It doesn’t cost a thing, but it was the hardest for you to give.
You killed my soul you made me forget.
Why didn’t I go, why didn’t I feel? Was I too scared? Did I complicate things?
So here I am 2 years in, and cant you see the perks of this whole damn thing?
You get it all. I don’t win.
Now she’s lying here next to me reading this and saying everything without speaking a word.
I hope that you get all that you deserve.